Earlier this Spring, Jocelyn and I thought we were losing our minds. Multiple times a day, we heard the same maddening refrain from Julia:

“Cheer. I try it.“

We really had no one but ourselves to blame. Months before, in our quest to get Julia up to her elbows in the high school experience, we had taken her to see her friends cheer on the sidelines at the JV football games. 

Julia was absolutely captivated. The rest of the season was an exercise for her in the development of personal desire. She saw an activity that had everything she could have wanted:

• A chance to move her “big muscles”
• A chance to perform in front of a crowd
• And the big one – A chance to do it all with friends

Standing at her post in the bleachers directly in front of them, Julia watched in rapt attention as the team called their chants. She shuddered with excitement as she watched the backspots catch the flyers. 

People in the stands and on the sidelines started calling her the “cheerleader for the cheer team,“ and the team reciprocated the energy she was giving them.

And then, on a warm day in early October, one member of the team tossed some pom-poms up to her; and that was all it took. Our girl was hooked.

Jocelyn and I never heard the end of it from there. At the risk of overgeneralizing, Julia’s stubborn persistence mirrors that of many of her friends with Down syndrome and makes us wonder whether that personality trait is on the 21st chromosome.

But our frustration at hearing it for the 15th time in one day was softened when we realized that this was the first activity – ever – that she initiated and self-advocated for. 

That kind of motivation in her is rare (except when she is lobbying for a hangout with a friend or pizza for dinner), so there was no question that we were going to move heaven and earth to try make it happen.

Fortunately, we got no pushback at all when we made our first inquiry. Coach Hannah had a teammate with Ds in high school and welcomed Julia into the tryouts this summer. 

And Julia took to it. We were astounded to see her focus during tryouts as she learned the chants and practiced with the videos at home.

But it didn’t all just “fall together” from there. It took intentionality from everyone to be open to the give and take that real community demands.

Coaches Alexa and Hannah had to navigate what Julia could and could not do, and ask for help from Jocelyn and I as another pair of eyes during practice to be sure everyone stayed safe. They had to redirect her at times and keep her motivated when the rest of the team was working on stunts.

Julia’s teammates had to open their circles of connection and take her (sometimes unfiltered) attempts at small talk in stride. They also shouldered much of the task of keeping Julia on her mark in the chant line and redirecting her incessant requests to call the chant. 

Julia herself had to overcome the disappointment of watching all of the friends she knew go to the varsity squad while she worked with the Junior varsity squad filled with athletes she had never met. She also had to put up with Jocelyn and I sitting off to the side, reminding her to stay with her squad and do the work. 

We rarely had to tell her twice to keep practicing. 

And somehow, as the season unfolded, everyone got a glimpse of the beauty of letting go of personal agendas and leaning into the experience in front of them. 

Everybody gave a little – everybody won. 

That came into full view at homecoming – not quite a year after the team tossed those pom-poms up to an eager admirer in the stands. 

The admirer was now on the field with a part to play. Coach Hannah had crafted a special moment for Julia and indeed the whole team to shine. Everyone, including the hundreds in the stands who witnessed it, walked away better human beings for the experience.

The thought of that moment still makes me smile. But change only a variable or two – if the coaches, the team or the school staff had opted out, that electric moment would have looked like this:

(And don’t look too hard. I had to AI the crap out of this to erase her from the moment.)

But here’s the question: Which of the two images more effectively affirms the kind of life that you want to see in this world?

If you are a maven of technical perfection, the second photo would probably do you just fine. Having sat in on a lot of the practices, I can tell you that the team worked incredibly hard to pull off those stunts and they all deserve their due accolades.

But I pray that there is something within you that longs for something more. Something perhaps messier, but speaks to that quiet space in your soul that longs for everyone to experience the thrill of being a part of something bigger. 

I put both pictures in front of the team and asked for their feedback. This is some of what I got…

“Both images make me happy, but the one with Julia in it brings me significantly more joy. Julia brings so much energy and positivity to the team. Whenever I see her my day gets immediately brighter. And you can see her kind, energetic and amazing spirit  from just this one picture. The team isn’t complete without Julia in it, we love her so much!” ~ A

“I feel like the first photo brings me more joy than the second photo. You can see the genuine smiles on not only Julia’s face, but also I feel like us in the background, we look happier. After my stunt hit at the end, I looked down the field to see Julia up in her stunt and it made me realize love and dedication are really what we look for as a team, because seeing her happy made me smile, and really everyone smile looking back at the photo.” ~ I

“Seeing Julia stand up there in a stunt with the biggest smile on her face is something I can’t even imagine not being in the picture. She absolutely belongs there right with us and I honestly think it adds so much happiness and warmth to the photo/the end of the performance in general. I’m so beyond glad that she feels so happy and welcomed with our team. We love her and her beautiful + fun personality so much💕💕” ~ V

Here is the secret these athletes have discovered: 

There is a time and a place for high achievement. But the depth of those exceptional moments is greatly multiplied when ways can be found to broaden the definition of success. 

Even when ability lags, being a teammate involves far more than athletic skill. Though she lacked some strength and agility, Julia brought kindness, relational energy, and a blissful opportunity for the team to put others before self. Those are skills that we all need to live this life together.

We’re coming to the end of Down Syndrome Awareness Month, and there are plenty of things to lament about the harms done by politics and greed to folks like Julia. 

But it’s also important – now more than ever – to celebrate when things go right. And on that homecoming night in October, something went very, very right. 

And we are all better because of it.