Anyone who has traveled with me lately knows that I like going light. That didn’t used to be the case. My first couple of international trips were comedies of thinking through and preparing for every possible contingency once I arrived at the destination.

Was it a beach vacation in Greece? I needed to pack that drawing pad and watercolor set – even though I knew darned well my artist sister would have whatever I needed when I got there. Mission trip to India? I needed to pack enough comfort food to last me a month despite the well-known fact that I love Indian food and we were only going to be on the ground six days. And in both cases, forty pounds of camera equipment in a roller case was the bare minimum.

But as the years and frequent flyer miles stacked up, I started realizing that the trip became more of an exercise in marshaling all of the stuff I brought along than it was taking in the rich experiences that each moment carried. Because I was locked in an argument with the gate agent about whether I could classify my camera case as carry-on despite its size and weight, I wasn’t in the head space to have that once-in-a-lifetime conversation with another traveler. Travel was a war and I was going to win it through superior hustle and gross tonnage on tiny luggage wheels.

Stupid. Selfish.

And ultimately backbreaking.

I knew I had to figure out a new way; and eventually did. It’s admittedly a work in process – especially when it comes to the photo gear.

In Life As Well

But in life as in travel, we’ve all seen people carrying far too much and paying for it in one way or another. We shake our heads in pity or some hollow sense of self-righteousness… and then shoulder our own baggage and lurch our way along.

I’ve spent the second half of my career asking myself and many others about the primal drive that makes us carry so much crud along with us. We do it despite, in our moments of quiet and clarity, we know that it damages our relationships and often holds us back from the adventure that we could pursue. It keeps us from being fully present when Providence quietly points us to the sheer joy and wonder happening right in front of us.

It’s the unspoken fear of the future or present frustration that almost kept me from delighting in my daughter’s carefree prance as we braved the recent subzero air to hit a favorite restaurant.

Whether it’s fear of stopping, misplaced identity or some past trauma that haunts us, I see so many people just pushing forward. They do it despite the hope that life could be better if they stopped for a bit to address where the wheels are coming off in their lives.

After fifteen years of helping people pursue and find healing, one of my deepest convictions is that no matter how refined or “together” someone seems to be, there are few who would not benefit from a season of fearless honesty and intentional healing.

In every life, there needs to be at least one season of healing. Share on X

When I say “season,” I mean just that: a period of time with a beginning and a completion. The path and methods are as diverse as those entering it. But if it is done well, with honesty and integrity and courage, the time spent is finite. The practices and mindsets taken out of it can last a lifetime.

And it might begin with a bit of bravery to put aside all of the distractions (maybe <gasp> put your phone in another room), sit in the silence longer than you’re comfortable and ponder a question:

“What do I not know about myself that is hurting the people I love?”

I’m not talking about an exercise in self-flagellation and cataloging all of the mistakes of the past. Don’t worry about that for now. Just start simple. What’s the one thing you could work on that could make your closest relationships better?

• Are you in a pattern of disengagement that isolates you from your tribe?
• Is there a thread of anger that has poisoned friendships or career?
• Is there an eroded trust that keeps you from deeper intimacy with your most important person?
• Are you having a hard time forgiving someone? (more on this one in the future, I’m sure)
• Have you lost a friend or family member and just can’t get over the grief?
• Do you wish you ate/drank/shopped/worked/partied less?

It chills my blood when I sit and consider it in my own life; and maybe I do it too much. I’m the first to admit that I am sometimes debilitatingly introspective. It can keep a person from taking any risk or putting the beauty of their life out into the world.

But what scares me just as much are the folks who go their whole lives never considering their flat spots and how they affect others.

So below is a not exhaustive list of strategies, benefits and cautions to consider as you step into it:

Let Your Desire Fuel You…

The biggest challenge is often getting to the decision that it just needs to happen. I have experienced myself and have seen in others a sense of “holy desperation” that gets us ready to hear hard realities that will eventually lead to growth.

Look For the Pain…

Start with a little silence and inventory-taking of where pain in your life comes into focus. Don’t step over it. Pain can be a misunderstood friend (borrowing a lyric from John Mayer here). It can show us a disconnect between what is and what should be. Those discomforts – big and small – can be the strings that we need to pick up and follow.

Look Outward as Well…

That list of pain points is most effective when it not only includes the pain you feel, but the pain you may be causing in others. Viewing your life through an other-centered lens takes a little more bravery and practice, but it’s infinitely more rewarding in the long run.

Guides are Good…

Be it a good counselor or an honest friend who’s done similar work, having someone you trust to offer perspective and encouragement is invaluable. And eventually, you will be able to help someone else with the integrity of having first done it yourself. Remember the instructions about the oxygen masks on airliners? It’s true. Put on your own mask before assisting others. Do your own work first.

Give it Time..

Though it isn’t as quick as a microwave meal, a slow cooker can create something richer and more satisfying. It took you years to get here – it’ll take more than a couple of weeks to wrestle an issue down. It might take longer than you plan or want, but remember that it is a season.

Return on Investment…

The work (especially the first time around) is hard, but the rewards are far greater:

• If we’ve done it even once, the strategies we learn can be applied again and again.
• The deadly habit of comparison to others will lose a little of its grip on us, giving others (and ourselves) the space to run their own race.
• If we develop a rhythm of returning to the work from time to time, we will create a more sustainable pace and gently push back against the worldly narrative that we have to produce all the time.
• And hopefully, we’ll be reminded that though we are finite and flawed, we are greatly loved by someone quite outside of ourselves.

The Dream

I dream of a world where a value of seasons of healing becomes quite normal. I dream that we could actually encourage each other to do that hard work – for the good of the person and those they have never met who will benefit from it.

I leave you with a rough analogy:

If I walked up to you with an open head wound and acted as if nothing was wrong, you would think me either insane or disoriented. And I hope that whether you knew me or not, you would stop what you were doing and get me the help I needed.

Sometimes I wish that the wounds we carry – the results of our bad choices or the choices forced upon us – were visible on the outside instead of hidden away and somehow socially acceptable. I think then we might cut others a little more slack, not wanting to add to the damage that’s already there. Maybe we would turn aside and help.

And then maybe we could all travel this world a little lighter.

So okay. I want to hear it now. I mentioned it wasn’t an exhaustive list – so what would you include? What have you seen in your own life? Hit me up with a comment below…