I’m sitting next to my wife with the baby in her arms after a pretty tiring day. After a week’s blur of doctor’s appointments, trips to the pharmacy and paging through volumes of insurance forms, we are really feeling the fatigue.

Julia has had a lively day where she stayed awake almost the whole morning and then had an afternoon photo shoot with a family friend who happens to be a very talented children and lifestyle photographer. Shannon is a good friend who actually got me out from behind the camera for a few family shots (more on that later). It turns out that all the activity tuckered our little girl out and put her on the corner of Fussy Ave. and Cranky Street. No fun when that happens, but now she is resting comfortably. Even as I write, I am watching the pacifier in her mouth bob hypnotically up and down, pause, and then start again as she dozes and coos, waiting for her evening bottle.

I spent most of the morning lining up consults with pediatric heart surgeons – one at University of Michigan and the other at Children’s Hospital. I even drove downtown and navigated the rabbit warren of halls and elevators of Detroit Medical Center to drop off Julia’s chart at one surgeon’s office. This will be my life for a while – trying to juggle the roles of dad, husband, pastor, and (somewhere in there) child of the Creator.

I’ve received feedback from many saying they are praying for our little girl – thanks for that. It turns out that the results are… mixed, but ultimately hopeful. The Wednesday meeting with Julia’s cardiologist revealed that the “honeymoon period” is drawing to a close and the symptoms of her heart defect are beginning to show themselves. After intently watching her as she laid on the table, the doc detected a very subtle shift toward rapid, shallow breathing – a telltale sign of stress on the left ventricle of her heart. But he assured us that it was nothing to be alarmed about and that God loved Julia. And even through the quiet panic I have to fight off when I hear scary news about my daughter, at that moment, I believe him.

Dr. Elliot Weinhouse is truly an amazing man. An Orthodox Jew who, legend has it, is a rabbi at his temple and the father of nine children. Oh, yeah – he’s also one of the best pediatric cardiologists in the Midwest (my assessment). I’ll share another story of his passion for God and people – especially children: The first time I saw him at Julia’s bedside in the NICU, he took my hand, looked me in the eye and quoted the Priestly Blessing from the Book of Numbers – some of it in English, some in Hebrew:

“The LORD bless you and keep you;
the LORD make his face to shine upon you
and be gracious to you;
the LORD lift up his countenance upon you
and give you peace.”

… soothing words for a shell-shocked, uncertain new dad to hear. We even prayed together at her bedside with his uncertain East Indian resident.

He always has a kiss on the forehead for Julia, warm words of encouragement to steady the nerves of her parents, and as I mentioned in a previous post, his office walls are literally covered with the children (he says “precious children”) that have been under his care over the years. And anyone who, at the end of every visit, prays in Hebrew over my kid is a rock star in my book.

The disappointing news of Julia’s symptoms made Wednesday a quiet day as my mind churned through the emotion of it. This was going exactly the way medical science predicted. God seems to have decided not to delay the symptoms, as I had asked so many to pray for.

Damn.

But I, prompted by a benevolent butt-kicking by a friend, woke just enough from the weight and stress in my head to decide to be grateful in this. Notice: I did not say grateful for this, but in this. God gave us over a week at home to enjoy our little girl and not think about the heart defect too much. There will be a time that the trial will be complete. An in our more clear-headed moments, we do not fear for the life of our child. That is something worthy of celebration.

And the celebration continued the following day. The audiologist’s findings are that there is NO EVIDENCE of hearing loss in Julia. The right ear passed immediately and the left ear shows mere signs of fluid that can be remediated in many ways.

My baby will one day enjoy the symphony with her mommy and daddy.

So tonight we will celebrate, rest and hit it again tomorrow.