< editor’s note: I recently invited everyone who serves in the Care & Marriage Initiatives at Kensington Church to celebrate twenty years of ministry together. After a great meal, I shared five challenges that we need to commit to as we move forward into the future. Below are the notes for that talk. .>

Hello friends! I hope you had your fill over dinner and thanks so much to the whole team who made it happen.

I would have loved to regale you with the numbers of all of the people who have benefited from the Care & Marriage Initiatives at Kensington. In the end, we’ve simply lost track. But the reality is that looking at numbers gives an incomplete picture of the true impact of what you do. I do have two numbers I do want to share:

50% – the people in this room represent LESS than 50% of the total Care Initiatives volunteer base, rivaling that of our largest campuses.

20 – the Care Initiatives at Kensington just passed the 20 year mark. That’s something to celebrate!

Like I said, we can share numbers; but the true “coin of the realm” for us is stories of changed lives. Hundreds we can point to – thousands that we can’t.

But first, I want pause for three minutes and have you get a look at what I believe is the best representation of how Care & Marriage Teams have operated for such a long time…

Some of you may think that I have been the “lone nut” dancing with my shirt off for the past 20 years. That’s not true, though.

When I came on Staff back in 2005, there were a few who were dancing to the tune God had given them…

• Carla Obidzinski – Leader of an improvised recovery ministry called New Hope. The entire group fit into one small classroom on the third floor, but eventually became Celebrate Recovery.
• Ann Marie Fitzpatrick – who regularly had 50+ participants in her divorce recovery workshop.
• Dave & Valorie Fisher – who wanted to support couples and start their marriage off on the right foot.
• I’ll go one further and mention Maureen McWalters, who saw the need for healing and equipping communities at Kensington long before I came on Staff.

The truth is I was and always have been a “first follower” in this movement. 

As the years unfolded, other dancers came to join us…

• Steve Stanley – who kicked off what we now know as LifeLines.
• Judy Avery – a founding leader of the pastoral care team.
• Karen Rohner and Amy Antenucci – who came to me wanting to start grief recovery.
• Jody & Dani Medford – who saw the pain that married couples walked through and wanted to come alongside to encourage them.
• Dale & Laina Partin – who have been ably guiding PrayerNow for over 15 years. And they’re in the room today!

Most of those names have largely been forgotten – but look around you and you will see a bit of the legacy they leave behind. Make no mistake – we have over 20 years of very good ground to build from. So let’s start at the beginning:

To see every[one] transformed and mobilized by Jesus.

This is Kensington Church’s mission. I hope you have it committed to memory. As I look into the future, I’m convinced that the church – and especially the things that we do in care and marriage are going to be more important than ever.

So I have five challenges that we need to embrace as we lean into what’s ahead of us.

Challenge #1: Recommit To Our Values

Out of Kensington’s mission, we need to recommit to the values and mission of Care at Kensington. Now for those of you who have heard me say this thousand times, I apologize. Bear with me as I bring everybody up to speed:

We cultivate safe, inclusive and distraction free environments for people to heal from the pain of life and equip for the adventure of life.

That’s what we do. And the values are baked right in so let me quickly unpack those:

Safe

You know the old church adage of “paint on a smile,” do your hour a week and don’t let anybody in on what’s really going on. Regular church attendance is at an all-time low in the US – often because it’s often associated with hypocrisy.

But here’s the reality: No one has ever encountered God on the basis of personal adequacy. That should make us all breathe a sigh of relief and release our shoulders from the burden of keeping up appearances.

Instead, what if we have the vision to offer a “shoulders down” space where everyone has a keen understanding of our ruined hearts and people have the courage and ease to say, “In reality, all is not well,” and actually be applauded for their honesty?

Inclusive

The safety that people feel is driven by our commitment to inclusion and belonging. We are responsible to everyone who picks up the phone or sends an email or comes through our doors looking for help. They are ours to receive and find a place within our movement. It will have its challenges along the way and I’ll talk about that in a minute.

Distraction-Free

The sad reality is people with challenging work to do will often look for any reason not to do it. We cannot add our conduct as leaders to the list of things distracting our newcomers. That’s everything from unprepared worship sets to leaders ruminating to each other in the hallway about problems they can do nothing about. In the end, we need to model for people the actions that got us the victory we have experienced.

Safe | Inclusive | Distraction-Free

These are the values that have and will underpin everything that we do. The rest of the challenges go a bit faster!

Challenge #2: Prepare for a Wave

The next challenge we need to embrace is to PREPARE FOR A WAVE. We are in an era not so different from what the Israelites experienced in the time of the Judges. “Everyone did what was right in his own eyes.” 

We have more freedom of choice than we have ever experienced in human history; and we are also the most in debt, overweight, medicated, addicted and lonely cohort that the world has ever seen. We have the opportunity to create whatever life we want – and we have found our efforts wanting.

I’m reminded by an insight from philosopher Dallas Willard:

“Reality is totally unyielding to false belief. Truth is unforgiving: it does not change if you have certain opinions. No one has ever made a belief true by believing it. Beliefs are true or not in terms of the reality they represent. So if we get it wrong, we’re in trouble. So I often define reality as what you run into when you’re wrong.“

Friends – we have people who convinced themselves that they can get through their grief on their own, one drink isn’t that bad, “I’m not going to push into this conflict with my spouse“, and reality eventually smacks them upside the head. We need to be there for them with good answers. And we have some real assets ahead of us

You’re going to hear about Growth Track in the near future. It is Kensington‘s process for inviting a newcomer to intentionally move into community. However, we have come to realize that it’s ineffective to ask a person to join a group or serve on a team without making sure they are ready.

So after newcomers find out who we are and what we are about, the growth track journey begins with three words:

Offer. Healing. First.

I have been dreaming for a moment like this for over 20 years. We have a leadership team that believes in what wants to bring the care and marriage initiatives into full partnership alongside groups and serving teams.

So get ready. 

Challenge #3: Embrace the Tensions

There are going to be people coming knowing that they need God in some domain of their life – but we may think they need to start somewhere else.

We have people from the trans community who have come to Celebrate Recovery. We have had same sex couples ask if they could avail themselves of our marriage courses.

In the words of Kensington’s founder, Steve Andrews:

“Hold deep convictions, but have the humility to not impose them.

Share to open hearts – otherwise, don’t share.”

We know that God is going to mess with every single domain of life. But we don’t know to what degree, in what sequence or if there will be discernible victory in their lives on this side of eternity. We can’t deny a person coming in peace to work on an issue that God has revealed to them because of an issue God has not revealed to them.

We cultivate good ground and hold space for whoever shows up – because it’s ultimately God doing the changing. We are simply witnesses.

Of course, there are going to be non-negotiables – but my suspicion is that there are fewer than we think.

If you get into a situation you’re uncomfortable with, give me a call. We will do what love and wisdom dictate. In the end, love is a self-sacrificing commitment to the long-term flourishing of another – and wisdom is the art of skillful living. We want to bring both to bear in any situation we encounter.

Challenge #4: Celebrate Your Faithfulness

Notice I didn’t say results. The reality is we may never know until we are before our Savior the full scope of the effect we have on the lives of people. But if we first keep ourselves humble and then our spaces healthy, we’re moving in the right direction.

Keep showing up – even when it’s hard. And take time to celebrate. We got 20 years under our belts, so let’s keep at it!

Challenge #5: Launch the Next Generation

Friends – look around you. I would venture to say that the median age in this room is over 50.

If you are above the median, don’t stop what you’re doing. This church and this community need you and the experience you bring to the table! But keep an eye out for a younger individual or a couple who you can come alongside and teach them to do what you’re doing. 

Those names I mentioned – Carla Obidzinski, Amy Antenucci, Steve Stanley and so many others. They’re not here now. Eventually, neither will we.

This movement has to continue. I believe the next generation is counting on it.

So finally, let me say thank you for your partnership – from the bottom of this “first follower’s” heart.