(ed. note – I’m going to pull aside the curtain and let you in on a conversation I had recently in response to a blog post I did. What you’ll read below is not as polished, but will give you a fuller picture of where I’m coming from, heart-wise.)

Not long after my post about my friend Ella, I received a DM from a long time friend (I’ll call him Mike):

Chris, heard this interview this morning. Having not read the book, this gives a little more insight into the author’s intent/message.

He included a podcast interview of Dr. Joe Rigney, the author of the book that had sparked my alarm and moved me to write the post.

I admit that I did not listen to the podcast at first. I was still pretty keyed up and sad that empathy as a sin was even a topic of debate – click bait or no. I wasn’t sure of where Mike was coming from, but I respect the guy and feel safe enough with him to give it to him a little more brutally honest:

Hey Mike – I and millions of other people have not read the book. But we’re all carrying one view or another about the idea and sadly looking for anything to confirm our preference.

I am reading F. Scott Fitzgerald’s Great Gatsby for the first time and came upon an insightful observation:

I’m quite sure that there is more nuance in his argument, but nuance is lost when it is taken to the mainstream. And fact that we are even toying with this idea intellectually is utterly corrosive to our humanity. It allows our craven souls an “out”, saying we don’t have to deal with the people “out there.”

If there’s anything the last several years has taught me, it’s that we are more connected to each other than we could ever have imagined and as a result more responsible to each other than our toxic American individualism will ever accept.

I simply can’t un-see that. I wrestle with its implications and tensions every day.

And my heart breaks for how our collectively uncaring and brutish nature has become more manifest nationally. Even more sad? We seem to joke about it along the way, saying it’s “not serious” and making fun of anyone who expresses any alarm about what is unfolding.

We used to stand for something larger than ourselves. And now we don’t.

I’m sure being a dad of a kid with special needs has something to do with this.

I fear for my daughter’s future because of this sea change that has happened.

Bottom line – it is not any one person’s responsibility to solve the problems of the world, but it is our collective responsibility to lean toward mercy and make a stranger’s day a little better. We are better humans when we care. We as a species will not ultimately survive without kindness.

It is the irreducible essential of everything God revealed in scripture. Love God – Love Neighbor. And let’s dispense with the bullshit conversation about “Who is my neighbor?” It is as bankrupt a debate now as it was back then.

Please forgive my ruminations – but I consider you a friend. I’ll leave it here.

Not minutes after hitting “send”, I felt a twinge of conscience for not listening to the podcast before responding. Mike was offering a perspective different from my own in a respectful way – no guile, no “mic drops” in the comment section of social media. He came as a friend and I owed him a respectful listen; so I did listen to the interview.

It was about what I expected. But this a news stream I have little experience in – despite an intentionally broad media diet from politically conservative and progressive voices.

I tapped out a further response to him:

And in the name of a good faith conversation, I did listen to the podcast.

Rigney is largely looking at the problem (and I do agree there is a problem) through a partisan political lens more than anything else.

He’s also using a few strawman arguments that I can’t take seriously.

I don’t disagree on some of the gender identity issues. but he breaks tensions that are ultimately unhelpful.

On just about every cultural issue, we are sorted into two poles that just end up screaming at each other.

I believe that Jesus sits in the tension between the poles, lovingly beckoning us to be with him.

A practical example:

We have trans people coming to our recovery groups. Some want to deal with past trauma – others want to address their substance abuse issues.

For us to say that they have to address their gender identity before coming to be with us would be the height of cruelty in my mind.

Of course, we have to accommodate the safety for everyone attending, but we’re gonna go to an extreme to help people find the healing that God desires for them – trusting that God will reveal to them the issue to work on next.

Love to riff on this more, but your eyes are probably already tired reading!

Be well, friend.

I wondered if I would get a response and hoped the edge of my words were not yet another wedge driven between friends. But a few days later, I was relieved to get a response:

I agree that the only stumbling block we should put before people is the person of Christ. I agree that our love for people should be unconditional. I also agree that there is a political lens that is easily perceived both from the speaker and the listener.

What I came away from the podcast.. and I too have not read the book nor am I compelled to read it… is that empathy is an emotion as well as a verb. Anger, is also an emotion, and we are instructed that In our anger we should not sin, and there are those who use anger as a tool to divide.

Empathy is likewise an emotion, and is corruptible, and there are those who will use it as a wedge or manipulation.

I only shared the podcast to shed more light on the author.. and I agree, we shall remain friends.. and if given the opportunity, we should have a drink.

Peace.

I was glad he responded. Truly. I sat with it for a day or two and replied:

Appreciate the response and I understand your take on it. Here’s the check I’m wrestling with. If you look at the sin list in Galatians 5:

…sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like…

Anger can clearly be the origin of many of those sins and the fuel to make them worse – especially the ones in that second clause.

But then look at the fruit of the Spirit that immediately follows – love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

I’m convinced those things can’t be done without empathy to one degree or another.

Can empathy be leveraged for ulterior motives? Of course. But anger is a far more powerful tool for the dissolution of relationships than empathy. When people have been fed the “waste, fraud and abuse” diet for long enough, anger overtakes empathy every time. And that is not to say that it’s not there, but there are smarter, more effective and more humane ways to address it. But I digress.

From a practical standpoint, I take a page from Dallas Willard’s observation:

(I screwed up on this one not forty-five minutes ago with Julia, by the way)

But I would challenge anyone to consider the flip side of Willard’s assertion:

Anything done without empathy can be done better with it.

Take it out for a test drive and let me know. That drink date is looking better and better to me!

I’m hoping to take it offline to a face-to-face meetup as I had offered many others. We’ll see how it unfolds.

But the conviction I walked away with is if we are not seriously and respectfully interacting with people with differing perspectives and looking for points I can respect if not agree with, we are lost.