It’s World Down Syndrome Day and my social feeds are filled. All of the families we know and love so well – and the ones who love us well right back – are rocking their socks and celebrating the person (or for the particularly adventurous, people) with Down syndrome in their life.

Friends, my heart is full. And if you’re fortunate enough to have a social media feed filled like this, I hope your heart is as well. Days like this are such an important reminder for me – especially now.

I’m not gonna lie, people. Sixth Grade been a tough season for us. Sometimes very tough.

I spent some time talking about some of my misgivings of Julia’s entry into Middle School in an earlier post. Now, I’ll be the first to admit that I tend catastrophize everything. And God generally gives me a loving “dope slap” and then lets the beauty of humanity unfold, putting most of my fear into proper perspective.

This time is no different – but the days have not been without their struggles.

The crew of neurotypical friends that Julia developed over the nine years of elementary school have scattered across six different class periods, three of which Julia is in the Learning Resource Center. And as each of these precious kids navigate six grade and jump on the grownup treadmill of personal achievement, the opportunity for incidental interaction has dropped like a stone.

But even when she’s in a general education class, the “sit and git” teaching style introduced in middle school has been difficult for her. As the curriculum gap widens, concepts have to be simplified for her to gain any grasp of what her friends are learning.

And then, of course, there are the carbonated hormones and titanic mood swings that come with the onset of puberty; further complicated by Julia’s delayed ability to articulate the complex emotions she’s feeling.

So she’s acting out.

After all, behavior is communication. And sometimes, amid the frustration that we can only partly understand, that’s all this girl has.

I give all kinds of props to the teachers and staff at Derby Middle School. The vast majority of them are dedicated and hard-working. With limited resources, they adapt curriculum to Julia’s needs, redirect her unexpected behaviors and figure out how best she learns.

But with the coming of World Down Syndrome Day, and knowing that our girl has been the source of some occasional <ahem> classroom disruptions, I took a little straw poll of her teachers with one audacious question:

Understanding that having students who are not on the same curriculum track as others can have an impact on the productive flow of class, has Julia’s presence in been worth it? Why or why not?

I knew that this was kind of a loaded question – especially coming from the dad of a kid with a material interest in their answer.

The replies are still coming in; but the best so far has come from Julia’s principal, which I share with her permission:

In all honesty, any child on any given day can disrupt the flow of class. It’s middle school! There are tears and drama from anything to forgotten pencils to “major” friendship issues. I do not worry about disruptions as this is why we have paraprofessionals that help redirect. Her exact curriculum may not match her neighbor’s in class, but when her neighbor sneezes or gets a bloody nose, Julia is always the first one to show she cares and is concerned. She models empathy.

To answer the question has Julia’s (or any other student’s) presence in class been worth it, the answer is an overwhelming YES. I always say that public schools prepare you for the real world and that is the case here as well. Having an atypical student in class teaches compassion, patience, community, and Julia in particular brings joy wherever she goes. No two students are the same and we all contribute to our learning community. Julia is no different.

Marla Otterbacher

So that’s one vote. It’s worth it. And the scores of celebratory posts that I see on the socials today are many, many more votes.

Friends, this journey with our people with Ds Is. Worth. It.

But to be honest, it’s easy for everyone to say it today. All the faces are scrubbed and the noses are wiped and the crazy socks have been put on. Friends gather around and smile for the camera. Administrations set aside normal routines to remember our friends who can often be overlooked in the march toward adulthood.

But I want to challenge all of us – the parents, the extended families all the way to the outer orbits of friends, neighbors and supporters.

Remember to say it when it’s hard as well.

When you get the teacher’s feedback of a really tough day for the third day in a row… It’s worth it.

When you’ve added a fifth specialist to your kid’s team of caregivers… It’s worth it.

When you’re making your third trip to the ER because their weakened immune systems just can’t shake that bug… It’s worth it.

When social invites from classmates get fewer and farther between and the loneliness starts to set in… It’s worth it.

And even on the hard days, I look into the eyes of this girl…

…and I remind myself… It’s worth it.

Philosopher and theologian Greg Boyd rightly observed, “Love is ascribing worth to others at cost to yourself.”

The cost is real, friends. We have to step off our treadmills of personal fulfillment and go more at their pace. I have nothing against high achievement; but I’ve come to understand that the best moments of humanity are when we realize how truly and deeply connected we are and live in that reality.

It is not high achievement or technical innovation that moves a society forward. It’s kindness. It’s a willingness to turn aside, let go of personal agendas, and help others to win.

In the end, these most important people teach us what Love really looks like – and that return far, far outweighs the cost.