(editor’s note: Hey everyone – I am very happy to tell you that we have a guest writer today. I have wanted to get Jocelyn on here for so long to offer her insight on our family’s journey (and the fact that she’s a much better writer than she gives herself credit for!). What better day than Mother’s Day for her debut. Enjoy!)

I know it’s surprising to hear from me since Chris is the writer in our family & the blog is, after all, jchriscook.com. But when I told him I was considering writing something for Mother’s Day, he was all for it!

Recently I’ve been thinking back to what we were going through this time last year. May 1, 2010 we received the news that our baby was a girl, that she had Down syndrome & they found a heart defect that would require open heart surgery.

My reaction was shock, despair and fear. I don’t think I had ever experienced such intense grief. There was a lot of crying out to God, “What are You doing? I can’t handle this!” It was that night we named our daughter Julia Paige, wanting to bond with her right away in the midst of the fear of what the future may hold for her, and us.

That week was a roller coaster of emotions to say the least. We were not only having to deal with this scary news, but also the medical community assuming and implying that we would want to abort our child because of her diagnosis!

That next Sunday I sat alone in the Mother’s Day service at Kensington, while Chris was in the lobby photographing Moms with their families. Music was playing and I think pictures were scrolling across the screen. Tears welled up and I felt overwhelmed with fear, uncertainty and sadness as I contemplated being a first time Mom, and on top of that a Mother of a special needs child! I felt so inadequate and grieved the loss of having a healthy, “typical” child. I felt as if my emotions would overtake me right there in the service, so out of desperation I cried out to God, asking for help, admitting my fear and feelings of inadequacy.

Now, I’m not one who is very expressive regarding my faith and am not much of a “feeler” when it comes to my relationship with God. So, that morning, as I cried out to Him, I was surprised when I immediately sensed Jesus’ comfort come over me. My breathing slowed, my tears lessened and I felt an incredible sense of peace, all happening in a matter of seconds. It was amazing to experience the presence of the Lord so personally. In that moment, I knew God was with us in this journey and that He had a plan for our little girl.

There were still emotional times over the coming months as we prepared for Julia’s arrival. But, at the core of those feelings was a certainty of God’s hand on our daughter and with us. I connected online with other Moms who either had children or were expecting a child with Down syndrome. I held on to the words from one Mom who said her only regret was that she cried so many tears before her son was born. I kept hearing over and over how blessed these families felt and how much joy their children brought them. I hoped I would feel that way some day.

And now, a year later, our sweet girl is 7 months old, has survived her open heart surgery and is truly a blessing in our lives. I am so happy that the sadness and grief that were so present a year ago have been overtaken by joy and hope.

Walking through those dark days of Julia’s diagnosis, as well as the stressful days after her birth and her open heart surgery, have made these days so much sweeter. I experience such joy in watching Julia’s face light up when she sees her Daddy, or peaking in on her sleeping peacefully, or watching how strangers are drawn to her and she makes them smile.

So, as I think about my first Mother’s Day, I’m naturally inclined to appreciate my own Mom so much more. Being a Mom is hard, but so rewarding and I’m thankful for all my Mom has done for me.

I also think of so many friends who want to be Moms and have had trouble conceiving, endured the heartache of miscarriage, waited many long years hoping to adopt a child of their own, or walked a similar path as my own receiving some scary news about the child growing inside them. I don’t have answers as to why these things happen, but I can speak from my own experience that you are not alone. In addition to so many women who have experienced similar pain and uncertain times, I know there is a God who is near, willing to shower you with love and peace when you cry out to Him.

Happy Mothers Day!