One at the NICU and One at Home

On September 25, 2010, in Julia's Journey, Personal, by Chris

Big day yesterday for the Cook family. My wife came home – here’s a pic of her feeling the sun on her face for the first time in four days. She had her incision staples (yes, staples) removed early Friday morning. There was a little apprehension on both our parts, thinking that it would be more painful removing metal than it would silk sutures. But in less than two minutes, they were gone and she was ready for Steri-strips. In the meantime, I was looking for the red “That Was Easy” button (pun totally intended).

We went down to see Julia after her overnight Blue Light treatment, and she looked like a different kid. Her color was much better, she was more alert and active and (okay, guys – breastfeeding talk ahead) she latched! I sent a text message of the good news to women of our families and you would have thought I had announced an 80% off shoe department clearance sale at Nordstrom. I have to resort to humor just because I’m a little awed by the whole thing. I really do appreciate – but have the self-awareness to say that I will never totally understand – the kinship that binds all women together when it comes to childbearing and breastfeeding. Kind of like the male camaraderie surrounding the Superbowl…

No. That’s not it.

Give me an uninterrupted year or two under a tree and I might come up with something. All I can say now is that it truly is beautiful and indescribable. And all the sistas say, “Amen.”

We were thinking that we might be able to stay one more night on what is called “Maternal Stay-over” where we would have had access to the hospital room to crash in between feedings. But we found out that if the room was needed, we would have been asked to leave immediately – even if it was 3am. In the end, we decided it was best to sleep in our own bed. And leave our kid where she needed to stay.

That created a lot of really complicated feelings in both Mom and Dad. It was a very, very weird feeling leaving a part of you behind in the hospital. We had known going in that Julia was going to stay behind and had each prepared in our own way for the reality of it. My sister, Lauren, told me that she needed actual physical support from her husband to leave her son in the hospital after giving birth. But now the inevitable was right up in our faces.

So we did the best we could. The flurry of activity before discharge – especially procuring the hospital grade breast pump – got us focused on the tasks instead of the emotions behind them. I asked an especially intimate circle of men to pray for me as I made myself available to whatever my wife needed from me. One texted back to me with what he heard:

Be encouraged, this is good for the two of you.

No truer words could be spoken – even though the thought of it hurts. We’re going to be leaving our little girl many, many times in her life; and she will eventually leave us. It didn’t make the keen pain of the moment recede, but it did give it a little context. Some company and assistance from good friends that night – along with Buddy’s pizza, a chick flick and two milk runs to the hospital (11pm and 4:30am) by Dad while Mom got some shut-eye kept us occupied and the “My Baby’s in the NICU” blues somewhat at bay. Along with complete exhaustion!

The morning brought a new rhythm (Pump – Drive – Nurse – Repeat) but also some much appreciated reinforcements to this beleaguered little outpost. Jocelyn’s sister Jen drove up from Dayton to bring some much needed support in the form of lovingly prepared food, a womanly perspective that I simply cannot give, and the fun of having my sister-in-law around. She is the consummate child-raising pro and helped Jocelyn out as we got Julia accustomed to breastfeeding. Baby is doing well – we were able to do a full feeding from Mom today. We still use the bottle sometimes, but only when we don’t want to waste the good stuff that Mom is producing.

Jen will be leaving us tomorrow, but there will be other reinforcements that you will be meeting as we go, and great support from our community. As I am writing this in the dim half-light of the nightshift NICU, I am humbly watching my sister-in-law quietly dozing after a day of giving it her all. The late night milk runs, the breast feeding frustrations, and the messy house is all worth it when I watch my little girl sleeping peacefully, and it makes the pain of our time apart a little less keen.

Jocelyn has produced enough breast milk tonight to get Julia through the night time feedings, so Dad will not have to jump in the car for a milk run tonight. Thanks sweetie! We have the first truly restful night in front of us!

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3 Responses to One at the NICU and One at Home

  1. Jo Fick says:

    I have never heard a man speak about breast milk for any sustained period of time without a smirk and a snort. Nicely done. You will understand the mother connection after you have been a dad for a bit. She’s had a head start, nausea, and a lovely scar that you will, never, ever, be able to top.

    Glad to hear things are going well. I suspect you will have as many casseroles as you can possibly use for a good long while. How long is Miss Lovely to be at the baby spa? Gotta say something nice about the people that are looking after her so well 🙂

  2. God bless you, Jocelyn and Julia! And God bless breast milk as well. 😉

  3. Denise Anne Taylor says:

    Jocelyn and Chris,
    Sending prayers to you and baby Paige for strength, courage, and perserverance. God bless little Paige with platelets.

    Denise Anne

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